Honestly

I think honesty is waaaaay overrated.  Now hang on a minute.  I’m not saying that honesty isn’t a great virtue.  I’m not saying that honesty isn’t essential to healthy interpersonal relationships.  For a Christian, honesty is non-negotiable in contrast to its opposite: deliberate deception.  I’m firmly opposed to deception, even in the little-white-lie-to-facilitate-everyone’s-good-mood capacity.  For me, the problem is that our quest for honesty has replaced our search for truth.

As valid and valuable as it is, honesty is not truth.  In John 14:6, Jesus says “I am the way, the truth, and the life.”  Truth is not contained in us, nor does it originate with us, nor does it end with us.  Truth can inhabit us, but we don’t possess it.  Truth comes from God, and is much, much bigger than anything we can be honest or deceptive about.  Honesty, on the other hand, is our best attempt to “tell the truth” about what is going on inside of us.  What do I genuinely believe, perceive, and experience? What have I done or said, and why did I say or do it?  These are the things about which we can be honest.  These are the things which we can know.  Truth is something sufficiently higher than we are that we can never know it fully, at least not while we see through this mirror, dimly.

How often do we say hurtful words or commit destructive actions in the name of honesty?  “Sometimes the truth is hard” or “at least I’m not being a hypocrite,” or “No one should have to live a lie” becomes our rallying cry, and we run off pell-mell in the direction that we “honestly” want to go.  We all do this.  I’ve done it a million times.  The problem is, no matter how deeply we believe something, it may not be the truth.  Our perceptions are limited, and Truth does not belong to us.  That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be honest.  Deception is a terrible trap, and lies ruin lives.  It is a good thing not to deceive.  It is a better thing to try to discern what is present or relevant in our situation that might be truer than ourselves.  Our honesty is worthless when we ourselves are deceived, and you can be totally honest and still be dead wrong.

So what’s the take away?  Should we trust ourselves?  I tend to say generally not.  At least, we shouldn’t trust in ourselves only.  In any course of action, or choice of words, no matter how small, there is room for wise council, prayer, research, counting to ten, and all kinds of other steps intended to supplement and enrich our honesty.  Sometimes we simply have to act on the best we know.  Sometimes all we have to go on is what we believe.  When that happens, the best thing we can do is to temper our actions with caution and gentleness, not being afraid to speak or act, but always remembering that someday we may know better, that we can learn from others, and that everyone makes mistakes.  At least, that’s what I honestly think.